A month ago, my first college boyfriend and really a good friend left us to travel to a far greater place after a decade-plus of significant suffering. It has taken me a minute to write this and to tell our story together. You say this is LinkedIn or you’re a corporate website not meant for personal stories. I guess that is what they say, however, I think we all know better at least for me. Business is personal. I learned that from Bill Koenigsberg, Founder of Horizon Media.
Billy Keenan despite all else was not a perfect man. Nope, he was a guy. He was a mere mortal like the rest of us. He loved his family, teaching, sports, being a musician, and being the center of attention. Ultimately, the idea of one more wave was his last Achilles heel. Before he got on the beach that day where it was the last wave he would ride, he was struggling a lot in his marriage, making ends meet and wondering how to do a better job parenting or being a good friend, having his teaching salary cover summer camp cost, being there as a son or living in his Faith not just practicing it. He had a laundry list of life challenges that did not bring him joy. (sound familiar?)
It was the last time he would be able to do anything for himself as a father, husband, teacher, musician, a man, that day on the beach as he swam out to meet that vicious wave. He told me what he was thinking in great confidence as he decided to ignore the clock and ride one more wave back to the beach. I will not share that information with you. However, I knew those thoughts myself. Those thoughts are perpetuated by fear, loneliness, failure, and essentially avoidance.
He did not leave us the day that merciless wave drove his head violently into the sand. Thanks to the strength of strangers, and maybe even a greater power than anything, Billy leaving this earth did not happen in 2014. In the minutes, months, and ultimately years, he would be left a quadriplegic, divorced, broke, and needing his big Irish family (mainly his mother Eileen and his brothers) to help him navigate a life left in tatters, without being able to use anything but his brain.
Billy and I were not friends after we broke up, we did not talk, and we were not even distant Facebook friends. My connection was with his first cousin Bobbie, my roommate in College, and a person who knows me better than most, but even Bobbie and I were at two different points in our lives. Bobbie, whose professional and personal life is a great story of working hard, was focusing on family, making sure she kept in touch during the Holidays. She would reach out to me a couple of years after the accident and ask if I would be willing to speak to Billy, he wanted to talk to me.
His life at that point was a wreck. I will not go into detail about my journey with Billy. However, I can tell you that it changed so much about how I went about my professional and personal life - I moved to love my mission-based living instead of just driving through it. My mantra has always been mission-based and anchored by two concepts: “On the road to Jericho let no stranger be passed by” and “to whom much was given, much will be expected.” I remember the night as clear as day when I spoke to Billy for the first time since 1987. It was 2017, which meant almost 30 years had gone by. I was running myself ragged trying to be a successful entrepreneur, an exceptional philanthropist, and a good Mom. But I was living all wrong, I was one wave away from driving myself into oblivion as well; until Billy showed me the light.
Make no mistake about it, Billy Keenan did not come to me to help me. He came to me because he listened to a greater voice he had. At first, I was like, “What the hell is this...How can I help him...Why me?" Then when I realized this was a teaching moment for me, it hit me, that it was a lifeline for both of us and hopefully others as I think about it.
He was a broken man...I was a real tough love person...how do I do this? Then I did what I always do, be me. I asked Billy, “Why did you get saved? What is the story? Billy, why do you/did you live?" I was hoping that I was not being harsh or insensitive, but I needed to figure out how to help him. As I asked Billy these questions, I would have been a fraud if I did not ask myself the same questions. “Why am I here? What is my mission? What can I do for Billy?” So started the next seven years of a new friendship.
Well, my Billy and I had a running joke with each other.. that each of us was "the one that got away.” The reality was that we both needed each other to show us the path we were meant to really be on. Billy would go on to speak...and write a book...and start a second. He did not let COVID life derail him, although there were near impossible odds to keep going. He would go back to work teaching till he couldn’t, he would survive COVID, the death of his dear mother, family dramas and traumas, and go on to create a beautiful relationship with his sons that he was so incredibly proud of. He would lead and lean on his Faith and would be good to many in ways only they know.
Billy was one of a kind. Highly imperfect and till the end loved to be the king of the room, sometimes to the disappointment of others. But he would end his journey on this earth as a writer, a speaker, and a motivator to those he could touch or reach. Here is a quote from Billy when he spoke to my team, “The times that you don’t think you can go any further, go one step further,” he said. “Keep going, keep moving forward, and you will be amazed at the rewards that will come to you.” My team always loved hearing from him, and they all took something from him. As you look in the eyes of a person, especially one that has nothing left to give other than his thoughts on his belief system, it gives you amazing pause. You must listen.
Billy and I's relationship was personal, but really, it was ultimately professional. He came to me to solve a challenge he could not navigate for himself, nor could his family. When I realized it was Mercy calling on me in a different package than say a business setting, I listened to his goals, I assessed his abilities, and I gave him a plan, which he followed as best as he could. I did not see the chair, the challenges, the paralysis, the lack of experience, the lack of a network, or anything else. My job was to get past the obvious and look deeper. I saw a man and his dreams. That I can work with. So, I did.
What Billy gave me was the truth. He showed me that life is a journey of a million steps. We have a choice; we can drive to the next task, or we can stand in the shadows or hide in the belief systems of others. To me, Billy needed to do something to change the trajectory of where he was driving to. I had been called and I needed to act. I did not want to run or placate him and tell him it would get better. That would have been BS. He needed to act, and spiritually walk towards something, so that he did not potentially miss the greater gift. Something was happening to me as I was laying out the plan of action. I believed his next steps were right in front of us. I just had to get him to believe it was possible and know that the possibility of failure was at every turn. But we must try. He believed in me and I in him. That's what we all need right?
Here is what I learned from William G. Keenan, that we are all one wave away from needing a stranger. Most of us are driving towards the next thing not knowing that our time here is precious. Love those you spend your time with, trust those that you give your heart and time to, find what you love, and who you love, and live your dreams daily even if you visit them in your mind and heart. Tell those around you constantly how much they mean to you and what they have done for you, great or inspirational. Help strangers and give a hand or advice to those to the left and right of you. Do not wait for just those you know. Love your parents, your kids, your brothers, and your cousins as best you can. Forgive and forget faster. Do great at every turn. Reach out to others.
Do not be afraid to take another wave but do it for the right reasons. Do not escape, face your fears, your detractors, those who are trying to break you or take from you. Your life is right now. Do good at every turn and love what you do. Ultimately, you can be a teacher and a musician, but you can also be a speaker and a writer even if you only have words left. You can be anything but don’t wait till it comes to you. Go to it. Take steps even if you can’t walk. Do it right now. Don’t wait. Don’t let fear or the unknown stop you.
Billy – “I will See you in September.“ (that might be too inside baseball, but he knows exactly what that means)
Wishing you all the call that wakes you up to your unlimited potential before your final wave comes to take you home. Billy’s book is called Road to Resilience, and you can find it on Amazon.
If you ever need someone, feel free to call me. I will be there. I promise. Just promise me you will be there for others as well. Pass it on. Live greatly!
